Parshas Chayei Sarah
Genesis 23:1 - 24:17

A Time of Mourning ©

By Dr. Akiva G. Belk

This study of the weekly parsha is dedicated in loving memory to my older brothers Mr. Gary Lee Belk and Mr. Donald Wayne Belk may they rest in peace.

The first place we learn about mourning according to our sages is when Hashem says to Noach, “Come in, you and all your family to the ark... for in seven days I will bring rain on the earth and it will rain forty days and forty nights and obliterate / erase every living existence that I have made from the face of the earth.
Genesis 6:1-4.

One must ask why there was a seven day delay from the time Noach and his family entered the ark to the time the rain began. The reason was the fulfillment... the completion of the phenomenal spiritual revelation given to Chanoch, Noach’s great grandfather 969 years earlier. The Torah records that Chanoch walked with G-d after his revelation concerning his son... after the birth of Mesushelach. The name Mesushelach conveys a glimpse of Chanoch’s revelation. The first two letters of Mesushelach are {from right to left} Sav Mem. They form the word Mays or Mes {death}. The second word is Sheh Lah Ach {to send, to launch destruction}. Mes and Sheh Lah Ach are connected with the letter Vav {and}. Together Mes Oo Sheh Lah Ach mean “After this child dies destruction will be launched.”

Mesushelach {When this child dies destruction will be launched}
Ches Lamid Shin Vav Sav Mem

Mays {death}
Sav Mem

Sheh Lah Ach {to send, to launch destruction}.
Ches Lamid Shin

Mes and Sheh Lah Ach are connected with the letter Vav {and}.
Vav {and}
Ches Lamid Shin Vav Sav Mem

Chanoch understood that when his son died the world would be destroyed. The people of the world understood the meaning of his name. So for 120 years while Noach was building the ark people had no reason to fear because Mesushelach was alive and well. Right up to the end Mesushelach was alive and well. Then on the day destruction was to come Mesushelach died. Noach and his sons were responsible for their grandfather / great grandfather’s eulogy, burial and mourning.

They entered the ark, their new home, and mourned on earth while Hashem and the malachim mourned in heaven for Mesushelach. At the death of a common man we are told that one should not interrupt Torah study unless needed for the minyan. At the death of a man who studied Torah up to 600,000 men may interrupt Torah Study. But at the death of a righteous man everyone should interrupt Torah study. Mesushelach was such a man.

Parshas Chayei Sarah is the second place in Torah where we learn about
mourning. We read, “Avraham came Lee Si Pohd {to mourn} for Sarah and Vi Leev Coh Saw {and to lament... to wail... to weep...}. From the word Vi Leev Coh Saw, we learn that Avraham’s lamenting was short. We know this because the letter Chof is reduced in size.

Recently we discussed the composition of the letter Chof. The letter Chof is formed by a heavenly Zayin and an earthly Zayin as stated in our article The Letter Chof ...as found on the Gematria page: “The holiness on earth represented by the Zayin pointing towards the heavens typifies a hand lifted in praise towards G-d. The holiness of the heavens represented by the Zayin pointing to earth typifies a hand extended to earth scattering blessings to mankind. Here we see hands on earth and hands in heaven joined in mourning for Chayei Sarah as they were joined at the death of Mesushelach.

So we learn from Parshas Noach and Parshas Chayei Sarah that seven days are set aside for mourning. We call this period “Shiva” {seven} During these seven days the mourner / mourners remain home except for the burial preparations and service.

The Torah requires that burials be concluded on the same day as the death in accordance with Deuteronomy 21:23 “You must bury him on the same day {that death occurred}.” One does not bury on Shabbos or High Holidays. Also there are normal circumstances that prevent immediate burial like travel / distance as in Avraham’s situation. G-d understands interruptions but one should make every effort for immediate burial.

After the body is lowered into the grave [interment] and is immediately covered with earth then mourner’s Kaddish is recited. Mourner’s Kaddish is followed by first condolences at the grave site. Then the mourner returns to where he / she will observe Shiva. If the mourner observes even one hour of Shiva on the day of death then that is counted as the first day of Shiva. On the seventh day after morning prayers Shiva ends.

If one, as in the situation of Yitzchok, receives news of a death in the family after burial then from the minute of learning of the death one begins to observe the period of mourning. They immediately begin observing Shiva or if the period of Shiva has not concluded they may wish to join other family members and conclude Shiva with them.

If more than thirty days has expired from the time of death then one observes Shiva for an hour, sits on a low chair, removes shoes and recites, “Blessed are you Hashem our G-d, King of the universe who is the true judge.”

During Shiva:

A memorial lamp or candle is lit and kept burning for seven days which represents the ascension of the soul to Gan Eden.

One remains at the place of Shiva for seven days and nights as explained above. Normally one does not work.

Mirrors are covered in the place where the deceased lies and in the place / places where Shiva will be observed.

One sits on a soft pillow on the floor and turns the cushions of chairs and sofas up. This is an act of humility.

One does not wear leather slippers, shoes, etc. It is not proper to dress lavishly. This is a time of mourning.

One does not cut their hair.

One does not observe Shiva on Shabbos because Shabbos is a joyous day.

When possible a minyan is assembled at the place of Shiva for morning, afternoon and evening prayers. It is good to recite Kaddish with a minyan {ten Jewish adult males}.

Kaddish:

Kaddish makes no reference to death. In a four part series entitled “Death & Life” written especially for Spiritualists, I discuss what occurs at death. The Torah teaches three possibilities for the Jew and the Spiritualist {for more background on these categories please refer to the article}:

First, those who enter Eternal Life, Gan Eden, immediately upon physical death {See Genesis 5:1 -32}. Death here refers to what happens to the souls of those who physically die, then immediately enter Gan Eden.

Second, those who at death cannot immediately enter Gan Eden but may eventually enter Gan Eden from another life or through the good deeds of a descendant {see Genesis 4:16 - 26}.

Third, those who do not enter Eternal Life, those who are locked outside of Gan Eden {see Genesis 6:3 - 7; 8:21-24}, who are obliterated, wiped out, blotted out, erased, forever.

Now Holy ones, I mention this to draw a contrast between emphasizing death as in the first group {Genesis 5:1-32} who died before the flood and another group after the flood {Genesis 11:10 - 32}. The emphasis on the group living after the flood with the exceptions of Haran and Terach was upon “LIFE”. It is important to understand this shift from using the term death to using the term life. Parshas Chayei Sarah continues the emphasis on life.

Likewise Kaddish continues the continuity of life and faith in G-d despite our great loss. Kaddish is recited every day for eleven months after the death of a parent and for thirty days after the loss of a brother, sister, son, daughter or spouse.

When reciting Kaddish it is best to stand if possible. To learn more about Kaddish you may order a cassette or CD that I have especially prepared along with information and instructions.

“May Hashem comfort you along with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

Dr. Akiva G. Belk